Archives Under "faithful readers" (RSS)
Fuck facebook.
7 March 2010 | faithful readers | 4 Responses
A week or so ago I woke up to several voice mails, text messages, and emails from loved friends and loved ones wondering how I ended up in the UK, and why they should send me money. Somebody had gotten a hold of my password and was using my personal information against me to try and make a quick buck. As if facebook wasn’t annoying enough, now it’s literally fucking with my life. My poor friend Meghan was on her way to Western Union to send me money from Malaysia, the perps had instant messaged her that my wife Kate was in the hospital. What the flying fuck?! I immediately logged on and posted a message on my wall: I am safe and sound in Oregon, don’t send me money!! Later that day the facebook team shut down my account because I violated the terms of use. I violated? The level that these fuckers will stoop to is so low, they have given new meaning to the word “scumbag.“ I swear I must have a sign on my internet forehead that says: Hey everybody, exploit me!! Luckily Meghan thought better of it at the last minute and emailed me directly to find out what was up. Thankfully ALL of my friends were smart enough to avoid sending me money before talking with me, but the whole situation made me feel dirty. It really made me think about why I need this silly service in my life, if the pros actually outweigh the cons. Sure, I’ve “met up” with some people I haven’t seen in some years, I’ve enjoyed some of the shared videos and pictures. I finally figured out how to shut off the email alerts for everything, so I’m not immediately notified when John from eighth grade social studies “achieves” in Mafia Wars. As if I fucking care about your rabbit in Farmville. Get a life “friends.” If they ever unlock my account the first thing I’m going to do is log on and delete a bunch of “friends.” If I haven’t talked to you or received a personal email from you in the past ten years, or ever; sayonara. I just don’t care that much. I don’t need a website to validate me as popular or friendly, faithful readers know I’m neither. This has all been so bitchy and depressing. I will attempt to cheer the internet up now with this video I took of a man in a carriage being pulled by a shetland pony. Enjoy!
The Bomb.
11 February 2010 | Europe, chocolate, delicious, dessert, faithful readers, pastries, plated dessert, recipe | 5 Responses
A fucking bomb went off! Chocolate flourless cake, salty caramel core, milk chocolate shell and blood orange ice cream. The dessert is inspired by a pastry I had in Paris, from the shop of the revered pastry Chef Pierre Herme. It was a bombe, tempered shell and caramel core, I enjoyed it on a park bench in Luxembourg gardens. Mr. Herme ingeniously used a macaron base, his desserts were all marked by inventive skill and imagination. I employ a compressed devil’s food cake sealed with icing to seal in the oozing salty caramel, just a candle held towards Chef Pierre’s brilliance. The milk chocolate shell is just that, tempered 38% milk chocolate. Here’s a recipe for my faithful readers.
Blood Orange Ice Cream
2 cups milk
2 cups blood orange puree
1 1/2 cups sugar
4 oz butter
pinch o’ salt
2 cups heavy cream
3/4 cup egg yolks
P.S. See this in the Willamette Week?
2010: The Future is Now.
7 January 2010 | Ten 01, cake, delicious, dessert, faithful readers, pastries, plated dessert, recipe | 5 Responses
Two thousand and motherfucking TEN?!? The future is now my faithful readers. I command the powers of the internet in my pants. I make ice cream base in an immersion circulator. As a race we fringe on symbiosis with technology; and I can’t wait to realize this next phase of evolution. Anyway, I been busy as shit. The holidays kicked my ass; and with in-laws in town and hell of prep, plating and me plowing through it all it went by in a pop! Shit 2009 was a pop, a bang, a blast, dice cast and rolled and truth be told past year was fucking fast. I turned thirty, I got married, I’ve become a half way decent pastry chef and an annoying blogger. I’ve made some bad-assed desserts and also learned some killer savory food. Pretty standard actually. Looking to the new year, I’m hoping to step up my game. Turn it up to eleven so to speak. I just need to work harder, cleaner. The desserts will be smaller, more precise. Flavors? Louder. Here’s a recipe bitches. I adapted it from one of the best recipes I’ve learned in a long time.
Graham Cracker Sponge Cake
250 g soft butter
375 g sugar
5 g salt
6 eggs
375 g fine ground graham cracker crumbs.
7.5 g baking powder
100 g A.P. flour
1. Preheat your convection oven to 300 F. Spray and line with parchment one half sheet pan.
2. Cream the butter, sugar and salt light and fluffy in the bowl of a stand mixer.
3. Weigh the crumbs, baking powder, and flour into a bowl and whisk them together well.
4. Add the eggs 2 at a time, allowing the batter to fully absorb each addition of eggs. Scrape the bowl twice during this step.
5. Scape the bowl again and add the dry ingredients all at once. Mix the batter on low speed until homogeneous.
6. Transfer the batter to the prepared pan and bake 12 minutes, rotate the pans, and bake an additional 6 to 8 minutes, or until golden brown and springy. Use as a base for a no bake cheesecake or serve it warm with a cream cheese ice cream.
Pootang 3.0.
18 November 2009 | Ten 01, chocolate, creative presentation of the week, delicious, faithful readers, plated dessert, recipe | 2 Responses
It’s funny how one idea leads to another and sometimes the most obvious idea is the best one. Looking at my Fat Spouse dessert, it was good; hell it was great even. What it lacked however was a warm element. Something to start melting that malted milk ice cream and pretzel bark. Something rich and fatty. Like pootang…BREAD pootang. All peanut butter chips and compressed devil’s food cake stratifying a rich brioche custard. There’s been some discussion of pootang technique in the kitchen as of late, and one thing again leading to another, I’m now pureeing my base. It creates an even, dense, almost cakey texture. The chunks of devils food are compressed in the vacuum sealer then diced. Finally a good use for that bomber technique. You can get cool potions this way, but a realized dessert was tricky. Now how about that fancy cruise ship garnish? I got the idea from a dish wifey had dining when we dined at Spago Beaver Creek. A simple piped lattice of tempered chocolate onto acetate, scored and bent in a PVC half pipe. The other tile of tempered chocolate underneath the ice cream is a buffer between the cold scream and the warm pootang. Cocoa nibs help it grip. I brought back the dulce dessert Watchmen blood drip plate saucing technique for good measure. This fucker gets oohed and ahhed every time it hits the table. Here’s the recipe for enjoyment of my faithful readers.
Chocolate Peanut Butter Bread Pudding
6 oz butter at room temperature
6 oz sugar
2 oz dark chocolate
4 oz peanut butter
5 eggs
3 cups heavy cream
12 -15 brioche buns
2 cups diced compressed devils food cake that has been diced
1 bag Reeses peanut butter chips
1. Cream the butter and the sugar with the paddle. While they are achieving light and fluffy in your stand mixer, melt the chocolate and peanut butter over a double boiler.
2. When the sugar and butter are light and fluffy, add the melted chocolate and peanut butter. Mix until well incorporated, scraping the bowl as necessary.
3. Add the eggs one by one, scraping and incorporating.
4. Switch to the whisk and add the heavy cream on low speed. Keep the machine going while you prep the bread.
5. Cut the bread into large chunks. Take the custard off the machine, add the bread and mix thoroughly. You need enough bread to make a messy paste. Too much and your pootang will be dry, to little and it will be a custardy mess. Cover the mix and let it soak over night. This is essential to chingon pootang.
6. Next day pull the base and puree it in the food processor. Transfer to a large bowl and mix in the chunks and chips.
7. Prepare one half sheet tray with sprayed parchment. Pour and spread the base into an even layer. It should ride the rim of the pan. Cover with plastic wrap, then cover with aluminum foil. This will create a nice even top.
8. Bake in a 300 degree convection oven for about 25 minutes, rotating once. It is normal for the pootang to souffle a bit while baking. When it is done it should be dry (baked looking.)
9. Cool completely before slicing to de-molding desired shape. Reheat portions in the microwave for 20 seconds.
Fat Spouse.
23 August 2009 | chocolate, delicious, faithful readers, plated dessert, recipe | 7 Responses
Anyone who gets Food Arts probably saw this presentation on page 81 of the July issue; yep I totally stole it. The original creator is Chef Sandro Michell, pastry master for Alain Ducasse’s Adour in New York’s St. Regis Hotel. To say that he is a bad ass is a bit of an understatement, to say that his work will be aspired to and emulated the world over is a point of fact. Who knows if I’m even the first to bite his presentation? The design of it is perfect; each bite a perfect portion of the flavors and textures. Faithful readers know of my love of cylinders, this set up was a natural progression from my dulce de leche logs. Chef Sandro streamlines the process by rolling up acetate and piping in the soft ice cream. Anyway, on to the flavors. I’ve always wanted to do a plated dessert version of Ben & Jerry’s Chubby Hubby, so here it fucking is!! Devils food cake, chocolate peanut butter pretzel bark, malted milk ice cream. This dessert had been a fun little path of progressions for me. It’s first incarnation was done like Tony Martin’s Brownie Crunchie, a peanut butter and pretzel layer was spread warm onto the cake then set, and sliced. With that method, the pretzels got soggy; hydrating from the moisture in the simple syrup soaked sponge. I was riding my bike home on Friday night and it hits me: bark!! What I wanted was bark, like we had in Zermatt!! Just with pretzels instead of almonds and shit. Crunch factor, achieved!! The plate is sauced with chocolate and peanut butter caramel, sooooo fucking good!! When I first plated it up, I tweeted a picture of it, which caused a bit of a stir. Next day my buddy Rich was in to eat it; fucking Twitter, huh? The other cool thing about this dessert is the cocktail pairing: White Russian. Naturally you want milk with this right? Or cream? And vodka, right? Kaluha? We all know Kelley makes a killer Caucasian, it’s perfect!!
Pretzel Bark
6 oz milk chocolate
6 oz dark chocolate
6 oz creamy peanut butter
3 cups loose chopped pretzel sticks
1. Melt the first three ingredients over a double boiler.
2. Stir in the pretzels and pour onto a sheet pan with a silpat or parchment.
3. Chill the bark for 30 minutes before cutting into desired shapes. Store in an airtight container in the fridge.
Simple Bacon Cornbread.
28 July 2009 | bacon, delicious, faithful readers, recipe | 6 Responses
This is based on a polenta cake recipe I found on the web somewhere. The oil from the original recipe is substituted with rendered bacon fat, then the bits are mixed into the batter and it’s baked. I like to buy the bacon scraps from the meat counter at New Seasons for this; it’s already cut up. I’ve been tweaking and working this recipe for a bit, it’s almost ready. Ready enough to share with my faithful readers. It still evolves, however. My friends ask me to make this for picnics and such, this one here was for an Independence Day party at my neighbor Damien’s house. I’m glad I made it that day; it caught the attention of someone who wanted the recipe for something awesome. As i started to put the recipe together; rendering the bacon and sifting the dry ingredients, I realized I wasn’t going to have enough fat. Fortunately, I had some pork belly scraps in the freezer, also a deli cup of the rendered fat. Hooray for melted pig flesh!
- Cut most the bacon into small dice. Leave some bigger chunks for chewy treats throughout.
- Render the bacon in your 10 inch cast iron skillet. I recently learned to put some water in the bottom of the pan and cover it, steaming the bacon some to get at that delicious fat. Remove the lid after about 8 minutes, and brown the bacon. If you use a 10 inch cast iron skillet like I do, bake the cornbread right in that pan without washing it.
- Weigh the dry ingredients into a bowl and whisk to combine.
- In a separate bowl, weigh the liquid ingredients and whisk to combine.
- Whisk the wet into the dry and mix to a smooth batter. Stir in the canned corn. Stir in the bacon.
- Bake in desired form at 325 until golden brown and springy, about 12-15 minutes
Design Process.
12 July 2009 | Ten 01, dessert, faithful readers, pastries, plated dessert | 5 Responses
I’m a bit of a hack, I must admit. I mean sure, I got skills. I’ve got brains. I have a strong undestanding of proper technique, yeah I’ve baked some shit. I know custards, cookies, cakes, and muffins, I’m sure I could puzzle out a turkey stuffins. The chessecake hand is strong, the bread pudding, people don’t shut up about it. What I’m trying to say here kids is I’ve cooked a bit, I’ve spent some time baking. Having said all that, I’m kind of a hack. I hack my way through plated desserts. I’m like a blunt instrument swung lamely; a dull machete rampage in a chandelier shop. When it comes to innovation, creativity, style, I’ve got a lot to learn. I don’t have an original bone in my body. Most of the things I do are bit off someone else, twisted and forced through the filter of someone in the one to five years of experience demographic. I’m getting better, I think I might be starting to figure it out. I Google ideas. I read cookbooks, magazines. I try and eat dessert when I go out. I write shit down a lot. Well these days, I just tap it in. I’ll be on the bus or my bike or whatever and suddenly I’ll think: Grilled Zucchini Bread with Root Beer Ice Cream!! Into myPhone it goes. I’ve always drawn plates, shapes and squiggles sometimes reverse engineering shapes into flavors. I like to bounce my ideas off Kate because she has a keen eye for design. She taught me “plan view;” brilliant!. I try to come up with something that looks cool and eats well. I shoot for ninety percent Damn That’s Good and ten percent How’d He Do That? Most times, it works. I’ve been hammering out a new summer menu, and I think these are some bad-assed desserts. I’ve been working with a consultant who asked to remain anonymous, suffice to say this person is a also bad-assed. One of the best pastry chef’s I have worked with, this person has forced me to create outside my comfort zone, deviate from my normal menu formula. Oregon produce is so good right now, fruit is everywhere on this one. Changing desserts this week; stay tuned for more my faithful readers.
Taking This Too Seriously
1 June 2009 | blog, faithful readers, jeff | 4 Responses
It’s been difficult to write lately; I’ve been too picky. I’ve been to selective. I have no time to be picky. I’ve been trying too hard to come up with something emotionally sweeping, something simply fraught with import. Fuck all that. Writing for me should spout, flow from the fingers in a furious foray, shout out. With words. Fuck all that, too. I need to throw a turd at the wall and hope it sticks, and doesn’t smell. Everybody and his brother has a silly blog. I think one that people read should be compelling and personal and raw and funny. Sometimes offensive, yes. Like humans. Should it give information? Sure. Why not? But what’s to prevent you, faithful reader of the blogosphere, from getting that information somewhere else? The net is vast and boundless. Information is truly everywhere, input available at any time and any place. 30 second clips and jpegs and words so many words swirl in a whirlwind none of these words will wind up heard. Somewhere between Twitter and WordPress lies the perfect blog. Random yet poingant, thoughtful or not. Unique and engaging but quickly, please, I’ve got four tabs open.
Faithful Readers.
7 May 2009 | blog, delicious, dessert, faithful readers, plated dessert, shameless self promotion | 6 Responses
For those five or six people that actually read this shit allow me to elucidate, you are not alone! faithful readers are out there, and they’re making dessert. This photo here is a version of the Dessert of Last Year; a chocolate flourless cake made by Ms. Jessie Badley, a culinary student and faithful reader. Apparently the dessert is offered at her cooking college’s restaurant, where it is maued upon with much gusto. It gives me great pleasure to know that someone is out there among the interwebs reading my screwy ideas and bullshit ramblings. So pleasured am I in fact, that I will now publish her email without her permission! Thanks Jessie!!
Hello! I recently found your site online and have become somewhat obsessed. I’ve looked through all your plated desserts and they are beautiful! I am currently enrolled in culinary school as a prospective pastry chef and found your recipe for the chocolate whiskey cake! I am actually making this at school right now for our plated desserts in the restaurant on campus (inspired by your post.) I just wanted to let you know that its genius. I switched out makers mark for Evan Williams (sour mash) and it tastes amazing! So I guess I’m writing to thank you for having an awesome blog and such in depth directions and whatnot. not only do I get a giggle out of your words, but I’ve learned a lot! Keep it coming!
Devil’s Food Cake with Dulce de Leche Mousse.
27 April 2009 | Ten 01, chocolate, creative presentation of the week, delicious, faithful readers, pastries, plated dessert, recipe | 8 Responses
in possibly my best effort in plated dessert design to date, I give my faithful readers this fucking thing. Hopefully, the plate exudes a clean elegance, peppered with a touch of how’ did he do that? Well, I’ll tell you. The sponge cake base is a classic Devil’s Food cake recipe that I found in one of my new favorite cookbooks, Dessert Fourplay by Johnny Iuzzini. The recipe calls for mayonnaise, which tickles me, and keeps the cake super-moist. The science of that is kind of obvious: cake batters have eggs and oil, mayo is eggs and oil emulsified. On top of the sponge cake I pipe a chocolate icing that I found the recipe for on the best food site ever, IDEAS IN FOOD. The icing calls for sweetened condensed milk (like the dulche,) and balsamic vinegar to blend with dark chocolate. The sticky icing has a nice subtle acid note, a quiet personality. On top of the icing is a thin piece of tempered chocolate, a nice thin snappy-crunch. I’ve seen garnish this used a lot; especially in Parisian pastry shops. With the help of my ChocoBot, some marble slabs, and some precise cuts, this process proved to be quite easy. Just like Salted Caramel Sauce, easy peasy-smack-a-jeezy. Really, the only semi-difficult element to this dish is the dulce de leche mousse. The recipe it self is no brain-tease; just a spin on a white chocolate mousse. In fact, I was originally going to use caramelized white chocolate, but decided the laborious process wasn’t worth the taste. It tastes like dulce, so why not just use dulce? Making dulce de leche is not hard, just kinda weird. Take a few cans of sweetened condensed milk, place them in a large pot (yes in the can.) Fill the pot with water, be sure to cover the cans by a few inches. Bring the water to a boil, and keep boiling for 3 to 4 hours. Keep a bucket of water nearby to refill the water as it evaporates. After 4 hours, kill the heat and dump out the water. Cover the cans with ice to cool them off. When cooled, open the cans and enjoy the dulceness. I know this sounds strange, but it’s way easier than the traditional method. So here’s the hard part, molding the cylinders. Not really hard I guess, just time consuming. I’ve seen Michael Laiskonis of Le Bernardin make cool cylnders on his blog, and always wanted to try it. After a month of experimenting, I have a process. There’s got to be a better way, but here’s how I do it. Take your cannoli forms and line one side of each mold with tin foil. Stand them upright in a six pan or secured with a rubber band on a sheet tray. Line each mold with acetate, the thin clear plastic stuff. When the mousse is ready, pipe it into the molds. Freeze them shits rock hard, at least 3 hours, better to do it overnight. \Demold the mousse and plate while frozen, and thaw in the fridge on the plates. Serve with desired components. Or wrap them shits.
Dulce De Leche Mousse
4 1/2 sheets of gelatin.
1 1/4 cups heavy cream
1 lb 5 oz Dulce de Leche
1 1/2 cups heavy cream
1. Bloom the gelatin in cold water.
2. Weigh the dulce de leche into a bowl. Bring the first measurement of cream to a boil, and then pour it over the ducle. Drain and add the gelatin. Whisk to combine. Or use an immersion blender.
3. Allow the mixture to cool to room temperature. Meanwhile, whip the second measurement of cream to soft peaks.
4. Fold in the cream gently. Pipe into desired molds, or just into a martini glass. Chill until set and enjoy.
