If you’ve ever worked in a kitchen, you know that cooks can have pretty dirty minds, and sick senses of humor. Our kitchen is no different. It’s always a dick, fart, or deviant sex act that makes us laugh. Or a food sculpture of a penis. Not suprisingly, there is no shortage of cock-like food items to arrange and stash in your fellow cooks station. Consider the cornichon, or the hand-made sausage, the almighty mushroom, hell consider the fennel seed. Cooks will look at those items and think: “I can make a dick out of that.” Now our game isn’t as easy as all that. You can’t just walk up and plop a cock-sculpture on somebodies cutting board and walk away, you’ve gotta be subtle. In or under a bowl, behind the six pan in the low-boy, perched on the ticket machine, these are venues for the true master of the game. I once found a huge hand-molded polenta cock when I opened my station, complete with metal scrubbie pubes and heavy-cream dripping head. It’s food, and hell, as far as I’m concerned, you SHOULD play with it.
[...] This is certainly my most exhaustive Photoshop effort to date. This silly thing took at least five times as long to make as the gnocchi, and isn’t half as delicious. For this recipe I used Ile de France goat cheese, the second installment of product they wanted me to eat and write about. The last cheese they sent me I basically ate straight, so I thought it better to cook with this one. I chose gnocchi because I have always wanted to try it. I’ve seen Perez and before him Arturo making these things three times a week for the past eight months. I had the process memorized just by seeing it done so many times. I won’t include a detailed recipe because I’m quite sure there isn’t one. The cheese had a creamy texture and showcased that distinctive goaty taste. The flavor carried through to the gnocchi, and was exceptional. I liked this cheese better than the last one they sent, it had a little more personality. I also found the packaging more pleasing, this time with a picture of a goat rather than a picture of cheese. Still a bit flashy for me but a step in the right direction. This company is bringing some great cheese into the country. I hope some more of it finds its way to my doorstep. Sorry about the penis humor, faithful readers, but I gotta be me. [...]